Why is having sex like eating chilli?

consent why sex is like chilli

So you’ve come to the end of a long year and its finally time to take a break and have some fun: it’s schoolies week. It’ll be a week full of new experiences, some crazy times, and a lot of fun.

In the haze of all that fun, it’s also important to make sure everybody is having a good time, especially when it comes to sex.

Consent is a useful tool to check in with your partner. Sometimes, it can be confusing to talk about consent, but we actually have a better idea of this than we realise.

Think of sex as like chilli. Although it is spicy and hot, not everybody wants chilli, and not all the time. If somebody doesn’t feel like chilli, it’s wrong to force them to eat it. Safety is your number one priority when having chilli; you want to feel safe within yourself and know that you are comfortable with your decision.

Tips for consent


  • Saying yes to chilli once doesn’t mean you have to keep eating it
  • It’s okay to change your mind about having chilli
  • You have to hear ‘yes’ when you ask someone if they want chilli, and it should be enthusiastic
  • Your partner can’t always agree to chilli. If your partner is drunk, they’re not able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to chilli.
  • Even if you are close with your partner and have a lot of chilli together, consent is still necessary
  • If it feels like your partner isn’t enjoying themselves, make sure to check in.

But what happens if you see somebody who seems to be going too far? This is when you have to decide for yourself where you draw the line as a bystander.

Schoolies week will have a lot of new, fun experiences, but sometimes people are uncomfortable with what’s happening and are unable to speak up. If this is happening, you can speak up yourself.

You might see a lot of behaviours that cross the line.  Such behaviours might be trying to pressure a girl into sex. It might be trying to get somebody drunk to try to have sex with them. Even asking for a phone number can go too far if they’ve already said ‘no’.

The important thing is to make sure that everybody feels comfortable and safe. If it doesn’t seem that way, say something. Make your schoolies a fun and enjoyable week for everybody!

This article was written by Youth Advisory Group members Corey McCabe and Bronte Froome in collaboration with Play Safe NSW and Unleashed.

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