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Cycle of violence

The cycle of violence

You may have heard people asking “Why doesn’t she leave?” when they hear about a woman experiencing domestic violence.

Women stay in abusive relationships for various reasons, including fear, low self-esteem, isolation, family pressures and lack of community support.

Cycle of violence theory

The cycle of violence theory also provides an insight into this by illustrating how the behaviour of a perpetrator can change very dramatically, making it difficult for a woman to leave an abusive relationship. Women who have experienced violence may recognise this cycle.

The theory was developed in 1979 by Dr Lenore Walker. It describes the phases an abusive relationship moves through in the lead up to a violent event.

cycle-of-violence

Build-up

Tension between the people in the relationship starts to increase and verbal, emotional or financial abuse occurs.

Stand-over

This phase can be very frightening for people experiencing abuse. They feel as though the situation will explode if they do anything wrong. The behaviour of the abuser intensifies and reaches a point where a release of tension is inevitable.

Explosion

The peak of the violence is reached in this phase. The perpetrator experiences a release of tension. This feeling can become addictive, and the perpetrator may become unable to deal with anger in any other way.

Remorse

At this point, the perpetrator starts to feel ashamed. They may become withdrawn and try to justify their actions to themselves and others. For example, they may say: “You know it makes me angry when you say that.”

Pursuit

During the pursuit phase, the perpetrator promises never to be violent again. They may try to explain the violence by blaming other factors such as alcohol or stress at work. The perpetrator may be very attentive to the person experiencing violence, including buying gifts and helping around the house. It could seem as though the perpetrator has changed. At this point, the person experiencing the violence will feel confused and hurt but also relieved that the violence is over.

Honeymoon

In this phase, both people in the relationship may be in denial about the severity of the abuse and violence. Intimacy increases and both people feel happy and want the relationship to continue, so they ignore the possibility that the violence could happen again.

Over time, this phase passes and the cycle may begin again.

Visit signs of an abusive relationship and controlling relationships for more information about domestic violence and abusive relationships. [i]

 

[i] Brisbane Domestic Violence Service (no date) The cycle of violence. Micah Projects, Brisbane.

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